FRIENDSHIP

We have all heard of people who have not spoken to an old friend or family member for so many years that they have forgotten how the fight started in the first place. When friendships seem impossible to mend, we need more than conflict resolution skills. If you wish you could push a reset button and start all over in one of your friendships, this lesson is for you. Though you cannot change the past, you can make a fresh start. In this lesson you will discover from Scripture how to restore broken friendships.

Starter

1. What are some of the reasons people use to justify holding a grudge against a friend?

2. Why is it so difficult to admit when we are wrong and ask for forgiveness from a friend?

Study

Read the following sets of Bible passages and application notes. Answer the questions for each set before moving on to the next.

Philemon 1:10-11, 17-21

From his prison cell, Paul had led Onesimus to the Lord. Paul then asked Philemon to forgive Onesimus, his runaway slave, and to accept him as a brother. Even though Philemon had the legal right to kill Onesimus, Paul encouraged Philemon to put aside his own rights for the sake of Onesimus, his new brother in Christ. At times, we must also put aside our own rights for the sake of our friends, even when we think we deserve better from them.

3. In light of this story, what responsibility do we have to help our friends be reconciled to others with whom they have had conflicts?

4. When has someone encouraged or helped you restore a broken friendship?

5. What does it take to reestablish trust with someone who has made a major mistake or betrayed you in some way?

6. What can you do if you feel it is impossible to forgive a friend?

Matthew 6:14-15

It is easy to ask God for forgiveness, but it is often difficult to grant it to a friend who has deeply hurt us. But having received forgiveness from God, we should want to pass it on to others. We, however, must rely on the Holy Spirit to help us forgive our friends, even when we may not feel like it or believe they do not deserve it. Remember, forgiveness is more an action than a feeling.

7. What does our unwillingness to forgive a friend reveal about us?

8. How have your disputes with your friends impacted your relationship with God?

9. What is keeping you from offering forgiveness to a friend?

10. How does this passage challenge you to change your attitude or actions?

Proverbs 10:12; 17:9

Scripture encourages us to willingly forgive others who sin against us. Covering over offenses is necessary to any friendship. It is tempting, especially in an argument, to bring up all the mistakes the other person has ever made. A true friend, however, keeps his or her mouth shut - difficult though that may be. Try never to bring anything into an argument that is unrelated to the topic being discussed. As we grow to be like Christ, we will acquire God's ability to forgive and forget the confessed sins of the past.

11. What motivates us to remind our friends of their past mistakes?

12. How do we rationalize bringing up the past when we argue with a friend?

13. Why is it so difficult to forgive and forget?

14. How do you want to respond the next time a friend lets you down?

Summary

All of our friends will let us down - some more than others. But instead of allowing our disappointment to destroy friendships, Scripture tells us to forgive. To bring healing to a broken relationship, you have to lay aside your own rights and resist the temptation to bring up past mistakes. God can help you be a genuine friend - that is, someone who brings love, acceptance, understanding, and forgiveness to friendships. Do not let your disappointment in your friends' shortcomings rob you of their friendship.

15. Which friend are you struggling to forgive right now?

16. In what tangible way could you demonstrate God's love and forgiveness to this friend?

Go On A Date

Especially for married couples, but even for some “dating” couples, start dating. Often people become very comfortable in their relationship and sitting around on the weekends, watching movies is about as exciting as it gets. Ask your mate out. For example, actually call them and ask, “If you do not have any plans for Saturday night, would you like to go to a concert with me?” It is crucial to relationships that they keep the fire alive by enjoying the act of dating. There are many people in long-term, successful marriages that will tell you they go out on dates every week, which has been a huge bonus for their relationship.

"No Weapon Formed Against You."

The Bible says in Isaiah 54:17 “No weapon that is formed against you will prosper.” Many preachers, gospel singers and Bible teachers have emphasized this text to us who have their enemies come against them. We sing this in our songs. We rejoice at what seems to be a guarantee that weapons will not assail us.

What Does This Mean?


However in the midst of our shouting, some of us must ask the simple question, “what does this mean?” Some of us make a simple statement that if our enemies weapons cannot hurt the true child of God. In that world the righteous are a bit like Superman. The wicked shoot guns at the righteous but the bullets simply fall down. Knives don’t cut the child of God and the weapons of evil doers are rendered useless in their presence. Such a world does not seem real to our minds. It doesn’t seem to make sense when we look at the history of the martyrs and it doesn’t make sense in light of the Bible which lets us know that we will suffer persecution. (2 Timothy 3:12)

So if that is not what “no weapon” means. What does it mean? Some would say, well, it means that we may be hit with bullets, but we will not fully face the full pain that those who are not in the Lord will face. This is certainly a nice idea. The Bible does say “perfect love casts out all fear.” (1 John 4:18) But the reality of human living remind us that doubt can and does creep into our experience. John the Baptist questioned whether Jesus was truly the messiah (Matthew 11:3), Elijah the prophet ran away from Jezebel in fear for his life (1 Kings 19:1-14), and even Jesus Christ himself yelled “My God My God, Why hast thou forsaken me (Matthew 27:46). No it is not that we don’t face the fear in light of the uncertainty that being human brings. We do have fear when standing in front of the weapon of our enemy.

God’s Future Vision


Simply put, the writer of our text seems to be giving a vision of another time. The writer is speaking of the future when God’s kingdom will be fully realized. And the writer is using imagery that simply says that our weapons of today will not prosper against you. The same chapter says “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will rebuild you.” (Isaiah 54:11) When God’s city is rebuilt, then no weapon formed against you shall prosper. In that day “Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you.” (Isaiah 54:14)

Yes today weapons may overtake us. Yes today weapons may hurt us. Yes today you are hurt. And Lord help us, even killed by weapons. But this vision of the future lets us know that that is not God’s ultimate intention. This text lets us know that a day is coming when the “wicked shall cease from troubling and the weary shall be at rest.” And when God’s ultimate intention is fully realized, “we will study war no more.”

God’s Gonna Turn It Around


In short, the day is coming when weapons will not prosper against us. And now we can take comfort in the fact that even though I may have to face what these weapons can do to my mortal body, ultimately God will destroy their power. And as the Bible writer says in 1 Corinthians, death itself is subdued and killed by the mighty power of our God. (1 Corinthians 15:55)

So yes, a weapon may kill you, but God will reverse that. This is not removing the fact that you were killed, it is just making it so that you have overcome it. And more important is that promise later in the same chapter that God’s people will be vindicated. (Isaiah 54:17)


To often we forget the practical application of what is being said in the text here.  We foolishly engage the enemy or our perceived adversary without understanding the nature of the contest.  

We engage in battle assuming we are invulnerable, that we have  superhuman strength, that we are protected by an impenetrable force field. It should be understood that God's protection isn't an invitation to stupidity, it's not an excuse to abandon reason and one's intellectual powers of sanctified interpretation of the text via the guidance of the Holy Ghost. I've been told "the weapons of our warfare are not carnal", also in order for us to do battle with the enemy we must "put on the armor of God."  

How many of these 10 secrets of success do you practice?

1. How you think is everything. Remember to “think positive” at every opportunity. Visualize success, not failure. Avoid negative environments and people.
2. Decide on your dreams and goals. Be specific about your goals. For example, say “I am taking a wood working class next month,” rather than “I would like to take a wood working class sometime.” Create a plan to reach your goals, and stick to it.
3. Take action. Goals alone have no meaning; you need to take action to make them real. Don’t let fear hold you back. "Just do it."
4. Never stop learning. Take classes, go back to school, read books, join a discussion group. If you are interested in a subject, make time to learn about it. Keep acquiring new skills.
5. Be persistent and work hard. You’ve probably heard the expression, “success is a marathon, not a sprint.” Keep your eye on the goal, and keep working toward it. Don’t give up.
6. Learn to analyze details. Get all the facts, and ask for input. This will help you make wiser decisions. Acknowledge your mistakes, but don’t beat yourself up. Learn from your mistakes.
7. Focus your time and money. When you believe in something, put your attention and energy there. Don’t let people or things distract you.
8. Don’t be afraid to be innovative; be different.Be true to yourself, and have your own ideas. Following the crowd is a path to mediocrity.
9. Communicate with people effectively.Remember that no person is an island. Communicate your thoughts and desires honestly, and encourage others to communicate honestly with you. Practice understanding and motivating other people.
10. Be honest and dependable; take responsibility for what you do.  When you make a promise, keep it. When you screw up, admit it.
    Without honesty, dependability and responsibility, the other nine secrets of success don’t add up to much.

What should I do if I disagree with something my pastor said?

1. Pray for humility and understanding.
2. Ask a trusted, godly friend who knows the Bible well about the statement. Listen to their explanation and be open to the possibility that you either misunderstood, or that the statement the pastor made is biblically correct and you’re the one whose thinking needs to adjust.
3. In choosing a “trusted, godly friend,” chose someone who you know is a friend to the pastor, and will exercise his or her own tongue to protect and love the pastor. Choose someone who is known for being eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Do not speak to someone who would be tempted to suspect the pastor, or would delight in disunity, or would be naively led astray by doubts.
4. If you still have questions or concerns, then gently, humbly ask your pastor to explain what he meant.
5. After patiently hearing your pastor’s explanation of what he meant, you may find that you still disagree with what he said. If this happens, what you should probably do is humbly accept that you see things differently at this point, resolve to keep your disagreement to yourself, thank God for all the ways he has used this man’s teaching in the lives of many, and cheerfully continue to submit to your pastor’s leadership and profit from his teaching.
6. However, in rare cases, you might find that you disagree so strongly with something your pastor teaches, or that you disagree on a matter of such consequence, that it would hinder you from contentedly submitting to his leadership. In a case like this it may be best to quietly, lovingly find another church after discussing your intent to leave with the pastor.

I do not feel like there are opportunities for me to get involved in my church. What should I do?

Sometimes we get so fixated on programs and official positions in the church that it’s easy to miss opportunities right in front of our eyes. To help remedy that potential near-sightedness, here are two ways that you can always get involved in any church.

1.      Find needs to meet. No church, even the best-staffed and best-served, has absolutely all of its needs met. There are always children to watch, meals to cook, rooms to clean, members in times of special need, and much more. So pray that God would enable you to find others’ needs and meet them in a spirit of humble service, even if they aren’t particularly glamorous.

2.      Find Christians to disciple. All Christians this side of heaven are works in progress, and God wants all Christians to build up the church to maturityby speaking the truth in love (see Eph. 4:11-16, Col. 3:16-17). So find people whom you can speak the truth in love to, and who can do the same for you. Ask a couple of new members over to your home for dinner and get to know the state of their souls. Find a younger Christian and begin reading Scripture and praying together.

Serving in the church is not something we should need a special invitation to do. In every church there will be needs to meet and Christians to disciple. So take the initiative and find ways to do others spiritual good.

How To Be Resilient

Features of Resiliency

Darryl Conner in his book, Managing at the Speed of Change, lists five characteristics of resiliency. These features are to:

• Be Positive - See life as challenging, dynamic, and filled with opportunities.
• Be Focused - Determine where you are headed and stick to that goal so that barriers do not block your way
• Be Flexible - Open yourself to different possibilities when faced with uncertainty.
• Be Organized - Develop structured approaches to be able to manage the unknown.
• Be Proactive - Look ahead, actively engage change, and work with it.

These resiliency features can be mapped on to the Cycle of Change and show us how resiliency helps at each step of the cycle.

Being proactive enables you to prepare for what might be coming. It helps you to scan for signs of change at the step of sensing "something’s up." Focus is needed to clarify the situation and clearly identify the problem or opportunity. Organization enables the development of a comprehensive and detailed plan of implementation. A positive outlook facilitates the actual beginning of the work of change as plans are put into action. Flexibility will be needed as adjustments are made and you begin to sense that "this will work." From the position of having gotten through change you once again need to be proactive as you look ahead to what might be next and prepare to go around the cycle once again. Surviving change will depend upon being a resilient individual. And resiliency will be needed because change always brings resistance.

Is it In You?

What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Within modern leadership, who we are has become more important than such things as t thought, behaviour, competencies, technique or status.  This is what is known as authentic leadership.

Originality, rather than imitation, is what makes an organisation stand out.  This requires exceptional leaders, who are themselves creative, and who can inspire “collective creativity”.  This kind of leader is capable of operating outside his or her own comfort one. They have no need of massaging their own ego, and thus can put the well being of the organisation first.  When it comes down to it, leadership is about trust and as such requires the engagement of both heart and head.  An organisation can only change once it has invested in every single person’s self-leadership.

And in that sense absolutely anyone can be a leader; if you can change your internal world, then you’re certainly capable of changing the world outside, thus bring others long with you in significant renewal.

How can you achieve this? Just do it from today on: don’t put up with pointless meetings, be explicit about what the real issues are, avoid mixed messages, consider others’ point of view.

And further: take the time to really consider what you’re doing and be curious about what’s driving you and those around you.

So, is becoming an authentic leader just a pipe dream?

It’s up to you!