Be Frank, Even When You Don’t Mean It.

With life as well as with management, it’s important to have an ‘appreciative’ approach. Focus on what’s going right, not on what’s going wrong. In order to be positive, dealing with positive feedback is an important skill.

Here’s a few things that can go wrong when receiving a compliment:

Trivializing

Reacting as if what you did was easy and not important; “Oh, it wasn’t that big a deal!” Or if someone compliments you on something you’re wearing; “Oh, this is really old…”

Generalizing

When being complimented on an achievement, people often start naming all the other people that contributed; “Thank you, but we wouldn’t have been anywhere if it weren’t for …!”

By reacting this way, you ‘disqualify’ the appreciation that people show for you. This doesn’t only disencourage people from being positive to you in the future, but it also makes it harder to use positive feedback constructively.

Using The Word ‘Feeling’ Doesn’t Mean You’re Talking About It.

Lots of people nowadays go to communication trainings, which is great; learning how to express your feelings and thoughts… But in a relationship this can get pretty exhausting.

In their book ‘Making Your Second Marriage a First Class Success’, Doug and Naomi Mosely write about how people deal with feelings and about the common reproach “he/she doesn’t care about my feelings”.

The word ‘feeling’ doesn’t always mean that you’re about to express any feelings. If you say “I feel like you’re behaving stupidly”, that’s not a feeling but an opinion. But if you say “I get scared when you throw plates at me”, you’re expressing feeling, even though you didn’t actually use the word. The word ‘feeling’ often raises a red flag in people’s minds and scares them off.

Another disturbing phenomenon is interpreting someone else’s thoughts or feelings. Some people feel like they have a great talent for noticing and understanding other people’s signals. They think that they’re great at reading body language, picking up hidden meanings… They’ll say things like “You might say that, but what you actually mean is…”.

But hey, if you’d wanted to say that, you would have…

HOW DO REALLY FELL ABOUT THAT?

A lot of people have trouble dealing with their emotions.

People often blame the way they feel on someone else’s behaviour:

-     I’m angry, because you insulted me.

-     I’m hurt, because you made fun of me.

-     
I’m happy, because you’re so nice to me.

Emotions are often made out to depend on someone else’s behaviour.

But an emotion is something that you create, based on how you feel about a situation. 

If a stranger walks by and says “You never get anything done”, you might be a bit surprised but won’t give it much thought.

But if your boss or partner tells you the same thing, you’ll find it much more important.

 The way you interact with someone can also make you interpret their words differently.

If you’re arguing with someone who then says “You’re a good person”, you’ll probably see it as sarcastic rather than as a compliment.

 Others aren’t responsible for your emotions. You are, by interpreting the people and situations you are confronted with.

Remember that you’re the one holding the keys to your own emotions.

"A Frog Isn’t A Prince Until He Feels Like One"

Confidence is something you probably hardly ever think about, except when you lose it. Because when you do, it can be really hard to get back.

Thinking negatively about yourself is a serious problem. If a physical problem were this important, it would probably be considered an epidemic. 

Confidence isn’t something you get by pumping up your self esteem, but by knowing your own strengths and weaknesses.

Confidence is based on reality and what you say, do and think on a daily basis. It is a basic necessity to appreciate yourself – lack of confidence won’t kill you, but will damage your life.

A confident person has better chances of recovering from difficulties than an insecure person.

How good is your confidence?

The First Half Of Our Life Is Ruined By Our Parents, The Second Part By Our Children.

There are a lot of misconceptions about what makes (or doesn’t make) a person happy. Scientific research shows that people are perfectly capable of knowing whether they’re happy or not. What people usually can’t determine, is what actually makes them happy. Which would explain why so many people disagree on whether having children brings happiness.

Thankfully, a lot of people must think so, otherwise our society would have a problem. No children, no society. That much is clear.

The idealized happiness that children are supposed to bring is often promoted, but it isn’t proven. Many (young) parents have to face the disillusionment when their newfound happiness of become a parent is accompanied by reality: Having children can also bring a lot of problems.

Research shows that the happiness of parents gradually diminishes after the birth of their child, only to come back to it’s original point when the children have left the parental home. Talk about an empty nest syndrome…

You’re Never Too Old To Develop Your Identity

Reflection is the basis for your own development. But reflection doesn’t always come naturally.

Three of the most common reasons why people don’t reflect:

1. The need to focus more on others.

You find it easier or more natural to concentrate on others, and thereby neglect yourself. You’re mainly focused on pleasing other people and have trouble knowing your own limits. Your motto is “After you”. The question is, how long until this gets unhealthy?

2. Lack of rest.

You have a turbulent lifestyle and have trouble ‘standing still’. Resting is so unnatural to you that it would probably make you feel restless! Your motto is “I’m OK, as long as things are happening”.

3.  You’re hesitant to discuss your thoughts and experiences.

This attitude was probably acquired somewhere in your past. The function of it might be protecting yourself from disappointment. The problem is that this attitude works like a self-fulfilling prophecy. By acting in an insecure way, you invite others to do things to you that will confirm your suspicions.

Which behaviour applies to you most?