Is Cussing a Sin?

Question: Is cussing a sin? I don’t see it in the Bible.

Cussing is a form of swearing. When people use a cussword, it’s usually to express something negative. Every language has its own cusswords. Typically they have something to do with sexuality (private body parts, crude intercourse, or excrement/waste) or condemnation (sometimes calling out to God to do it).

I’ve noticed that some people cuss as a way to "be cool." It gets attention and shows disdain for authority figures who disapprove of vulgar language.

The reason people don’t associate a foul mouth with Christianity is found in Galatians 5:16-26. Verse 16 reads, "I advise you to live according to your new life in the Holy Spirit. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves."

Another form of "swearing" is to condemn something, often calling for God to do it. Instead of saying it directly to his enemies, David poured out his anguish to God. Check out these verses from Psalm 69.

Verse 24 says, "Pour out your fury on them; consume them with your burning anger." Verse 27 says, "Pile their sins up high, and don’t let them go free." Verse 28 says, "Erase their names from the Book of Life; don’t let them be counted among the righteous."

When talking about swearing, often people appeal to the third commandment: "Do not misuse the name of the Lord your God. The Lord will not let you go unpunished if you misuse his name" (Exodus 20:7).

How do you misuse God’s name? Some think it’s using swear phrases, such as "Oh, my God" or "Oh God" or "God," or saying with disgust or exasperation, "Jesus Christ." Others think it means being a Christian, but being a hypocrite about it.

Another form of swearing is people making a statement and adding, "I swear." Jesus warned against this. He said, "Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Your word is enough. To strengthen your promise with a vow shows that something is wrong" (Matthew 5:37).

You asked if cussing was a sin and about whether or not it’s in the Bible. It can be vulgar and in poor taste. And yes, it’s in the Bible. David seemed to do it in releasing anger and pain to God instead of to others. But Jesus said to use simple speech rather than adding more emphasis through swearing.

If you’re in the habit of cussing or swearing and want to break it, you can. Praying puts you in touch with supernatural power. Enlarging your vocabulary is a way to build an arsenal for articulating your perspective. And holding your tongue before repeating filthy words enables you to come up with more wholesome phrases so you won’t need to cuss or swear.

Everything In Due Time

Today everything will come my way at the right moment and in the right order A major flood hit a village. The priest prayed for his flock and only when he saw that everybody was safe did he start praying for himself. He got an answer from God. God would save him. The message from above got through to him loud and clear. When the water was so high that it lapped at his knees, he kept waiting for God. To the people in the boat, who wanted to rescue him, he said he would not come along, because his God would rescue him. The next boat came when the water was lapping at his chest. He told the people in this boat too that he would not come, because God would rescue him. He remained unperturbed when the water came to his chin. When the rescue workers wanted to save him using a helicopter, he called loud and clear to heaven: ‘No, I won’t come. God will save me.’ They never saw him again, because the water continued to rise and he drowned. When the priest appeared before God on his throne, he was angry. Damn it, God, you were going to save me! You promised me that! Damn it yourself, God said, how can you say such a thing! I sent you two boats and a helicopter

"Something Smells"

No-one thinks that their own … smells bad.
It’s human nature to play down your own short-comings.
But if someone irritates you then the opposite is true: their short-comings will appear out-of-proportion in your perception.

When this happens there may be an “allergy” at work.  If you like to carefully consider all angles before coming to a decisions, then you’re irritated by people who act first and ask questions later.  But those people are probably highly irritated by you (“old slow-coach…”).

In cases like this you’re inclined to avoid the other as much as possible.

That’s really a shame.  Because they are the very people – the ones you’re “allergic” to – who can show you where your own pit-falls are.  And that is: to exaggerate the opposite behaviour to the allergic one!

So take the time to reflect on the types of people who irritate you the most. There, in all probability, nestles an allergy, and thus a chance to learn something about yourself.

Marriage with a Twist

The toughest part of being in an unconventional union is managing other people's expectations.

By Amy Rosenberg, published on July 05, 2011 - last reviewed on October 11, 2011

In the classic film Harold and Maude, Harold, who is 20, decides to marry Maude, who is 80. His mother, a rich socialite, is mortified. She sends him to a psychiatrist, a priest, and an uncle, hoping they will convince him to change his mind. Each adviser reacts with disgust, and Harold doesn't budge. "What will people say?" his mother asks in horror. "I don't care what people will say," he replies. "This is insane!" she shouts. Harold's beloved shares his interest in—or, more accurately, obsession with—death and funerals in a way that no one else around him does. In Harold's mind, that makes her the perfect woman despite the vast age difference between them. Sadly, Maude passes away before Harold can marry her, but, given the couple's resolve, it's easy to imagine that they could have lived happily together (for a while, anyway). Their union certainly would have been atypical according to contemporary norms that present the archetypal couple as heterosexual, young (but not too young), stably employed, close in age, and well-matched in race and other social factors. But Harold and Maude clearly didn't care what outsiders thought.

In real life, such confidence can be difficult for star-crossed lovers to achieve and maintain. When people buck conventional ideas of coupledom and partner up with someone others consider inappropriate—too old or too young, the wrong race, class, or religion—or when they structure their relationship in a way that seems unorthodox—a husband who's a stay-at-home dad, a wife with a much higher salary—the perceptions of friends, family, and strangers can threaten their happiness.

"Social norms are driven by emotions of contempt in the observer and shame in the person or people being observed," says Jon Elster, professor of social science at Columbia University. "The contempt forms when the observer is faced with something that feels wrong, whether that feeling is justified or not—and often it is not. When a couple is judged or ostracized, their marriage can be destabilized."
So how can such couples stay afloat? It takes a stubborn and rebellious personality—like Harold's—to decide to pursue an atypical relationship in the first place, and if you've got two such personalities in one couple, tensions might run high regardless of social pressure. But those character traits can also be advantageous, helping people stick to their decisions and achieve their goals.
Ultimately, if partners remember the foundation upon which they built their relationship—what attracted them to each other in the first place, how their attraction developed into love, and why they decided to seal that love with mutual commitment—they have a good chance of creating a bond that can withstand the disapproving masses.

Enhance Relationships and Build Trust

The continuum for growing our people and leadership skills starts with changing ourselves. Mr. Carnegie encouraged us to "become a friendlier person" so that we could earn trust and enhance relationships. Enhancing relationships is the essential foundation for being more influential and becoming a highly respected leader.

Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
Criticizing another person not only damages that person’s reputation, but puts a dent in our own. Give honest, sincere appreciation.

Appreciation builds our image faster than any other practice. After all, the success of every job demands cooperation and effort from others. People contribute to our success as much as we contribute to theirs.

Arouse in the other person an eager want.
As business professionals, we are constantly selling our ideas. But people consent to help for their own reasons, not ours. If we make it clear how our ideas will benefit them, there is no limit to the cooperation we could receive.

Become genuinely interested in other people. Regardless of the physical or financial assets a company may have, it’s the people who make it successful. They are an organization’s key asset, and getting to know them should be as high a priority as learning the technical aspects of one’s job. The key is to be genuine. Don’t get a reputation for only being interested when you want something. Getting to know others should always be mutually beneficial.

Smile. Whether or not we’re pleasant to be around depends less on the situation than on our behavior. Rapport in business is fueled by seemingly minor considerations, such as a friendly, accessible demeanor and a welcoming smile.

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.Using a person’s name is crucial, especially when meeting those we don’t see very often. Respect and acceptance stem from simple acts, such as remembering a person’s name and using it whenever appropriate.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
A business runs on information, so what better way to learn what's going on than following this principle? We must listen with everything we’ve got. How we listen says volumes about how we think. Be focused, engaged, and sincere.

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Truth be told, we spend most of our time thinking about ourselves. Why not create strong business relationships by putting away our own concerns and talking about what others are interested in for a while?

Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
In our dealings with others, building them up shows we appreciate their contribution. The bond that results can help us withstand the pressures of our own day-to-day struggles.

Thinking Logically Might Not Be The Logical Thing To Do.

A lot of people tend to make a clear difference between emotions and reason. In a discussion, reasonable arguments are supposed to be important, while emotions wouldn’t take us any further.

However recent findings in neuroscience point out that there simply is no clear-cut difference between reason and emotion as regards the functioning of the brain. One cannot separate the one from the other.

A Map Will Tell You Everything You Need To Know, Except For How To Fold It Back Up.

The new navigation systems in cars have turned out to be extremely useful. However they do deprive us of the test of relationships that was done every holiday: map-reading.

It used to be like this: he drives, she reads the map.

This would happen:

After a couple of missed turns he wants to stop the car to read the map himself. This entails finding a spot to stop where it is possible to read the map peacefully – easier said than done. She suggests a spot like that might be marked on the map, which merely increases the level of his irritation.

She notices a small road to the left, but it was too late for him to slow down. He accuses her of not reacting soon enough, which increases her level of irritation.

However, the next junction turns out to lead to a cute French village with an extraordinary auberge with great cuisine and a free spot on the terrace … The two have truly survived an adventure and the relationship came out of it just fine.

Isn’t it a shame that we have to miss out on this nowadays?

If You Think You Can....

If you think you can do it, you’re right. If you think you can’t, you’re right.
Your power to convince yourself is enormous and unimaginable. You can make someone else experience this power by making him or her do the following exercise:

Ask your subject to stretch out his arms. Lightly press down on the upper side of the out-stretched hand, while he lightly pushes upwards. This way you can test the other’s natural power.

Make him tell himself at least ten times that he cannot resist your force, while repeating the action above.

Note his strength.

Now do the test again, but make the subject tell himself at least ten times that he definitely can resist! How strong is he now?

The results will surprise you!

You Will Always Remember Your Failures Much Longer Than Your Successes

Within our autobiographical memories there’s a special place reserved for embarrassing situations for which we ourselves are responsible. The kinds of situations which still make us blush when we recount them years later. Where looking back you still hope the ground will open and swallow you up!  Such as using the wrong name for someone, or asking after someone who’s long dead.

This sharp focus on negative memories has a function; it helps you to keep a healthy self-image, reminding us that we are fallible.

But it has its disadvantages too.  In moments of depression those painful experiences come bubbling up.

So next time you’re lying awake mulling over your weakness, remember that it’s a one-sided image of yourself, that unpleasant memories have been etched deeper in the brain, and programmed to reappear at such moments.  All the positive aspects of yourself have been wiped from the slate!

Building On Your Strengths

Why Build on Strengths?

It is our strengths that lead to true success in our careers, NOT our lack of weaknesses.
We all have unique strengths.
Strengths may come naturally to us, often from an early age.
Others tend to overlook our weaknesses if they respect our strengths.
In the absence of contradictory data, people will assume strengths: "She is VERY good in this area, therefore she must be good at everything else."
Strengths can create the Halo Effect, meaning that a positive perception is easily reinforced.
Remember, goal setting and action planning should first focus on strengths and then on those weaknesses that will impede success.

Think With Your Heart And Feel With Your Head

When dealing with others it is important to integrate your feeling and thinking.
In other words, don’t just feel about your situation, but think about it too. Then you’ll be more ready to speak out calmly and act appropriately. A lot of unnecessary conflicts and problems are avoided if you follow this simple rule: feel and think first before you speak or do.

If you feel and then act without thinking you’re being impulsive or reactive and, more often then not, you’ll hurt yourself or someone else.  If you think and then act without feeling then you’re detaching and not dealing with something that you need to deal with.  But if you feel and think about something, put your heart and head together, then you’re in sync with yourself and giving your best.

The more your heart and mind are in communication and working together to support you the more effective you’ll be in your relationships.

If You Can’t Sstand The Heat, Get Out Of The Kitchen (Harry Truman)

Do you know Gordon Ramsay? He is a famous chef appearing in television shows like ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ and ‘Kitchen Nightmares’. His fame comes from screaming vulgarities at incompetent chefs.

Not the way of communication we promote. But if you strip away the obscenities from Ramsay’s language there is are some things to be appreciated, namely that Ramsay hates mediocrity.

He doesn’t want people to be average or dishes to be passable; he wants them to be great.

When he finally says:  ‘nice job’ this will be well-deserved. The people he has worked with have really changed.

The lesson here? If you are honest in your drive to make things don’t hesitate to state clearly what you think about the current situation.

But after that, like Gordon you have to get into the heat of the kitchen and work together to improve things.

Don’t Worry About Criticism

Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment.

“When you are kicked or criticized, remember that it is often done because it gives the kicker a feeling of importance. It often means that you are accomplishing something and are worthy of attention.” —Dale Carnegie

Do the very best you can.

“I do the very best I know how --- the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, then what is said against me won’t matter. If the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels saying I was right would make no difference.” —Abraham Lincoln

Analyze your own mistakes and criticize yourself.

SOME SIMPLE RULES TO HANDEL CONFLICT IT'S OK TO DISAGREE DON'T BE DISAGREEABLE

BE FLEXABLE, BE OPEN, BE PRESENT

1. Keep interactions respectful, even when feeling frustrated or hurt. 

2. Avoiding put-downs, name calling, interruptions, etc. helps prevent conflict escalation.

3. Maintain emotional control, even when feeling angry. Vent or redirect emotions to avoid yelling or other intimidating behavior. This helps provide a safe environment for resolving differences.

4. Keep interactions on "hot topics" within a structured process. 

5. Avoiding or minimizing spontaneous discussions on such issues helps prevent unintended "blowups." Using a planned negotiation, mediation, or other formalized process helps focus and balance communication about especially delicate issues.

6. Show a willingness to understand. If others feel understood and acknowledged, they are more likely to collaborate when problem solving. This requires focusing on and empathizing with what is being communicated by others rather just waiting for a turn to respond.

7. Communicate honestly and openly. Holding back on what the real concerns are will only delay or complicate the resolution of differences.

8. Be as objective as possible. Avoid speculation, rumors, and assumptions. 

9. Rely on personal observations and experiences or what can be independently verified through a credible witness or available documentation.

10. Express concerns in a constructive manner. Each party describing which of his/her needs are not being met is typically better received by others than accusations or demands for change.

11. Focus on future solutions rather than past blame. 

12. Emphasizing what needs to be changed rather than who is at fault takes less time and energy and increases the chances of successful change.

13. Look for solutions that meet everyone's needs. Using an approach that tries to find common ground or shared interests is the most effective way for each person to get his/her own needs met. 

14. An approach that disregards a person's needs is likely to cause resentment in that individual, which can lead to future resistance or retaliation. Consider the needs of the person in front of you; consider their position by placing yourself in their position.

“The things that make a marriage last have more to do with..."

But for many couples, it’s just not enough to stay together. They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In short, they want a sustainable marriage.

“The things that make a marriage last have more to do with communication skills, mental health, social support, stress — those are the things that allow it to last or not,” says Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. “But those things don’t necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or sustaining to the individual.”

The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first?

Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.

Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.

Dr. Aron and Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, have studied how individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences, a process called “self-expansion.” Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship.

To measure this, Dr. Lewandowski developed a series of questions for couples: How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? (Take the full quiz measuring self-expansion.)

While the notion of self-expansion may sound inherently self-serving, it can lead to stronger, more sustainable relationships, Dr. Lewandowski says.

“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”

The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn’t just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.

The effect of self-expansion is particularly pronounced when people first fall in love. In research at the University of California at Santa Cruz, 325 undergraduate students were given questionnaires five times over 10 weeks. They were asked, “Who are you today?” and given three minutes to describe themselves. They were also asked about recent experiences, including whether they had fallen in love.

After students reported falling in love, they used more varied words in their self-descriptions. The new relationships had literally broadened the way they looked at themselves.

“You go from being a stranger to including this person in the self, so you suddenly have all of these social roles and identities you didn’t have before,” explains Dr. Aron, who co-authored the research. “When people fall in love that happens rapidly, and it’s very exhilarating.”

Over time, the personal gains from lasting relationships are often subtle. Having a partner who is funny or creative adds something new to someone who isn’t. A partner who is an active community volunteer creates new social opportunities for a spouse who spends long hours at work.

Additional research suggests that spouses eventually adopt the traits of the other — and become slower to distinguish differences between them, or slower to remember which skills belong to which spouse.

In experiments by Dr. Aron, participants rated themselves and their partners on a variety of traits, like “ambitious” or “artistic.” A week later, the subjects returned to the lab and were shown the list of traits and asked to indicate which ones described them.

People responded the quickest to traits that were true of both them and their partner. When the trait described only one person, the answer came more slowly. The delay was measured in milliseconds, but nonetheless suggested that when individuals were particularly close to someone, their brains were slower to distinguish between their traits and those of their spouses.

“It’s easy to answer those questions if you’re both the same,” Dr. Lewandowski explains. “But if it’s just true of you and not of me, then I have to sort it out. It happens very quickly, but I have to ask myself, ‘Is that me or is that you?’ ”

It’s not that these couples lost themselves in the marriage; instead, they grew in it. Activities, traits and behaviors that had not been part of their identity before the relationship were now an essential part of how they experienced life.

All of this can be highly predictive for a couple’s long-term happiness. One scale designed by Dr. Aron and colleagues depicts seven pairs of circles. The first set is side by side. With each new set, the circles begin to overlap until they are nearly on top of one another. Couples choose the set of circles that best represents their relationship. In a 2009 report in the journal Psychological Science, people bored in their marriages were more likely to choose the more separate circles. Partners involved in novel and interesting experiences together were more likely to pick one of the overlapping circles and less likely to report boredom. “People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person,” Dr. Lewandowski says. “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.”

"EMOTIONS, EVERYONE HAS THEM"

You can take everything I have, except the right to react the way I want to
(Victor Frankl)



A lot of people have trouble dealing with their emotions.

People often blame the way they feel on someone else’s behaviour:

-     I’m angry, because you insulted me.

-     I’m hurt, because you made fun of me.

-     
I’m happy, because you’re so nice to me.

Emotions are often made out to depend on someone else’s behaviour.

But an emotion is something that you create, based on how you feel about a situation.

If a stranger walks by and says “You never get anything done”, you might be a bit surprised but won’t give it much thought.

But if your boss or partner tells you the same thing, you’ll find it much more important.

The way you interact with someone can also make you interpret their words differently.

If you’re arguing with someone who then says “You’re a good person”, you’ll probably see it as sarcastic rather than as a compliment.

Others aren’t responsible for your emotions. You are, by interpreting the people and situations you are confronted with.

Remember that you’re the one holding the keys to your own emotions.

Getting Past Insecurity

Getting stuck in insecurity is more sickening than the certainty you did something wrong
Expressions about people’s strengths and weaknesses usually use the third person singular. They always go like: he is such and so, never you are such and so.

That is how it used to be in the closely-knit village communities of yore. All members knew what ‘they’ felt about any of them. Only the individual concerned probably didn’t. On the other hand, there probably was a broad basic acceptance. Any individual member just ‘belonged’, however objectionable his or her character.

We probably do not realise that for centuries direct feedback was hardly given at all. It is a mechanism which only came into use after the Second World War. Recently, new insights in the development of our competences have drastically altered our views on feedback. The old perspective, getting feedback, has shifted to becoming owner of your feedback.

Do not talk about, but with people

Don’t Worry about Criticism

Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. The quickest way to correct the other fellow's attitude is to correct your own."  

“When you are kicked or criticized, remember that it is often done because it gives the kicker a feeling of importance. It often means that you are accomplishing something and are worthy of attention.” —Dale Carnegie

Do the very best you can.

“I do the very best I know how --- the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, then what is said against me won’t matter. If the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels saying I was right would make no difference.” —Abraham Lincoln

Analyze your own mistakes and criticize yourself.

Do not cling on to your dream, just do not let it go

Of course it is important to keep trying to realise your dreams, and optimism about your potential is a great help to attain goals.

Unbridled optimism, however, can also be dangerous if it leads to a stubborn march down a dead end.

The trick is to be flexible in your optimism.

This means that you will have:

1. The strength to change what can be changed,

2. The courage to accept what cannot be changed,

3. The wisdom to distinguish between 1. and 2.

AND

4. Never lose sight of the essence of your dream. What cannot be done now, may be possible at another moment in a different form.

Graduation Day May 14, 2011 Erskine Theological Seminary Due West, SC

The day has arrived and I am wondering what now? I feel as if I should be doing something else! Don't get it twisted I am happy that God has blessed me and my family to achieve this milestone. I feel that I need to do more! I am never satisfied with where I am at intelluctually so being a perfectionist and somewhat "OCD" I am already thinking about my enrollment in Waldon University to complete my Phd in Psychology. I received my acceptance enrollment letter and welcome packet several months ago. The class schedule is robust and challenging but nothing that I can't handel. So I want to discuss change in this posting as I write from Westminster, South Carolina as I prepare to have my doctorate conferred upon me at 4:00 pm.

"CHANGE"

When it comes to change, those involved can be divided into four categories:

The ones who welcome the changes with positive feelings
The ones who wait to see what happens without taking an active part in the process
The cynical ones who only give negative criticism
The ones who lose faith and see themselves as victims
Change will start to show positive outcomes when most people belong to the first category – otherwise the change is only superficial: a technical success but not yet integrated in the organization’s every-day life.

It is essential that the critical masses have been reached.

Change will start to show positive outcomes when most people belong to the first category – otherwise the change is only superficial: a technical success but not yet integrated in the organization’s every-day life.

It is essential that the critical masses have been reached.

Change will start to show positive outcomes when most people belong to the first category – otherwise the change is only superficial: a technical success but not yet integrated in the organization’s every-day life.

It is essential that the critical masses have been reached.