If You Think You Can....

If you think you can do it, you’re right. If you think you can’t, you’re right.
Your power to convince yourself is enormous and unimaginable. You can make someone else experience this power by making him or her do the following exercise:

Ask your subject to stretch out his arms. Lightly press down on the upper side of the out-stretched hand, while he lightly pushes upwards. This way you can test the other’s natural power.

Make him tell himself at least ten times that he cannot resist your force, while repeating the action above.

Note his strength.

Now do the test again, but make the subject tell himself at least ten times that he definitely can resist! How strong is he now?

The results will surprise you!

You Will Always Remember Your Failures Much Longer Than Your Successes

Within our autobiographical memories there’s a special place reserved for embarrassing situations for which we ourselves are responsible. The kinds of situations which still make us blush when we recount them years later. Where looking back you still hope the ground will open and swallow you up!  Such as using the wrong name for someone, or asking after someone who’s long dead.

This sharp focus on negative memories has a function; it helps you to keep a healthy self-image, reminding us that we are fallible.

But it has its disadvantages too.  In moments of depression those painful experiences come bubbling up.

So next time you’re lying awake mulling over your weakness, remember that it’s a one-sided image of yourself, that unpleasant memories have been etched deeper in the brain, and programmed to reappear at such moments.  All the positive aspects of yourself have been wiped from the slate!

Building On Your Strengths

Why Build on Strengths?

It is our strengths that lead to true success in our careers, NOT our lack of weaknesses.
We all have unique strengths.
Strengths may come naturally to us, often from an early age.
Others tend to overlook our weaknesses if they respect our strengths.
In the absence of contradictory data, people will assume strengths: "She is VERY good in this area, therefore she must be good at everything else."
Strengths can create the Halo Effect, meaning that a positive perception is easily reinforced.
Remember, goal setting and action planning should first focus on strengths and then on those weaknesses that will impede success.

Think With Your Heart And Feel With Your Head

When dealing with others it is important to integrate your feeling and thinking.
In other words, don’t just feel about your situation, but think about it too. Then you’ll be more ready to speak out calmly and act appropriately. A lot of unnecessary conflicts and problems are avoided if you follow this simple rule: feel and think first before you speak or do.

If you feel and then act without thinking you’re being impulsive or reactive and, more often then not, you’ll hurt yourself or someone else.  If you think and then act without feeling then you’re detaching and not dealing with something that you need to deal with.  But if you feel and think about something, put your heart and head together, then you’re in sync with yourself and giving your best.

The more your heart and mind are in communication and working together to support you the more effective you’ll be in your relationships.

If You Can’t Sstand The Heat, Get Out Of The Kitchen (Harry Truman)

Do you know Gordon Ramsay? He is a famous chef appearing in television shows like ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ and ‘Kitchen Nightmares’. His fame comes from screaming vulgarities at incompetent chefs.

Not the way of communication we promote. But if you strip away the obscenities from Ramsay’s language there is are some things to be appreciated, namely that Ramsay hates mediocrity.

He doesn’t want people to be average or dishes to be passable; he wants them to be great.

When he finally says:  ‘nice job’ this will be well-deserved. The people he has worked with have really changed.

The lesson here? If you are honest in your drive to make things don’t hesitate to state clearly what you think about the current situation.

But after that, like Gordon you have to get into the heat of the kitchen and work together to improve things.

Don’t Worry About Criticism

Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment.

“When you are kicked or criticized, remember that it is often done because it gives the kicker a feeling of importance. It often means that you are accomplishing something and are worthy of attention.” —Dale Carnegie

Do the very best you can.

“I do the very best I know how --- the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, then what is said against me won’t matter. If the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels saying I was right would make no difference.” —Abraham Lincoln

Analyze your own mistakes and criticize yourself.

SOME SIMPLE RULES TO HANDEL CONFLICT IT'S OK TO DISAGREE DON'T BE DISAGREEABLE

BE FLEXABLE, BE OPEN, BE PRESENT

1. Keep interactions respectful, even when feeling frustrated or hurt. 

2. Avoiding put-downs, name calling, interruptions, etc. helps prevent conflict escalation.

3. Maintain emotional control, even when feeling angry. Vent or redirect emotions to avoid yelling or other intimidating behavior. This helps provide a safe environment for resolving differences.

4. Keep interactions on "hot topics" within a structured process. 

5. Avoiding or minimizing spontaneous discussions on such issues helps prevent unintended "blowups." Using a planned negotiation, mediation, or other formalized process helps focus and balance communication about especially delicate issues.

6. Show a willingness to understand. If others feel understood and acknowledged, they are more likely to collaborate when problem solving. This requires focusing on and empathizing with what is being communicated by others rather just waiting for a turn to respond.

7. Communicate honestly and openly. Holding back on what the real concerns are will only delay or complicate the resolution of differences.

8. Be as objective as possible. Avoid speculation, rumors, and assumptions. 

9. Rely on personal observations and experiences or what can be independently verified through a credible witness or available documentation.

10. Express concerns in a constructive manner. Each party describing which of his/her needs are not being met is typically better received by others than accusations or demands for change.

11. Focus on future solutions rather than past blame. 

12. Emphasizing what needs to be changed rather than who is at fault takes less time and energy and increases the chances of successful change.

13. Look for solutions that meet everyone's needs. Using an approach that tries to find common ground or shared interests is the most effective way for each person to get his/her own needs met. 

14. An approach that disregards a person's needs is likely to cause resentment in that individual, which can lead to future resistance or retaliation. Consider the needs of the person in front of you; consider their position by placing yourself in their position.