Listening Skills = Better Couple Communication

Exceptional listening skills and the ability to persuade others to your way of thinking make the difference between good and great relationships. 

Pure listening builds trust, intimacy,respect and credibility . One reason is that when you fully listen instead of trying to compose your response, the result is a relevant and on-target response. 

What you say when you do respond is proof of how well you listen to your partner.  It also affirms them, letting them know you are actively engaged and that you have heard what they said.

Just Because

Give your mate gifts ""just because." These do not have to be expensive whatsoever. For example, one woman had a miniature dish collection in her kitchen. Her husband came home and told her that he had a gift for her. Holding out her hand, he gently placed in her hand a miniature porcelain cup with her name neatly written in blue ink. She knew that this cup probably cost no more than $2.00 but the thought that he would take the time to find something she enjoyed, was worth $1 million. The small gifts packed with thought are far more cherished.

Service Interruptions | LeadershipJournal.net

by Mike Woodruff
When I closed my eyes to pray, I was alone on the platform. When I said amen, a man I did not know was standing beside me. He immediately stepped behind a microphone and started talking …

After his sermon, a friend stepped to the communion table. To his surprise he was met there by a woman who immediately shoved all of the communion elements onto the floor …

In the middle of the sermon, a young woman walked onstage, interrupted the pastor, and announced that she had a message from God. When the pastor declined her request to address the congregation, she refused to leave. As two male ushers stepped up to escort her away, she began screaming, "This is just like the church. A bunch of overbearing men oppressing women … "

Guess what? None of these events was on the program. And it's just a matter of time before something like this happens to you. Maybe it won't be someone demanding to speak—it might be someone having a heart attack, or the electricity suddenly going out.

Interruptions happen without warning, but you can be prepared. The real question is: Are you ready? Even if the service comes to a temporary halt, you don't have to lose your ability to lead.

There are several things you can decide right now that will help you and your congregation survive your next unscripted moment.

Keep your cool
In the movie The Apostle, Robert Duvall plays the part of Sonny, a Pentecostal preacher who gets so mad at a member of his congregation that he ends up beating the guy unconscious. While there are moments when this sounds like a wonderful option, it's not the best choice, at least not if you want to keep your job.

While researching this article, I learned of several pastors who lost their composure and then their positions. The result was the same whether they got mad and spoke too hastily—sound technicians and mothers of a crying infants are frequent targets—or if they simply panicked and walked around looking like Chicken Little.

Leadership means keeping your cool, especially if everyone around you is losing theirs. Yelling is never a good idea. Nor is inaction.

Take charge
Alexander Haig is remembered a bit derisively for stepping up to the microphone to claim control in the moments after President Ronald Reagan was shot. While he can be faulted for misconstruing the presidential line of succession, I believe his soldier's instincts were right on. In a crisis, someone needs to lead.

When a worship service spins out of control, the senior pastor or the worship leader needs to step in and assert leadership. The good news is that just about any reasonable and calm action you take will be accepted. When the woman screaming about male oppression was being led out, the senior pastor asked the ushers to let her return to the stage. He then dismissed the congregation so he could talk with her privately.

"All 1,000 people filed out," he said. "And it was the quickest exit I've ever seen." He then invited her to share with him what she wanted to share with everyone. When it turned out that her message was that Brad Pitt was the prophet of God, he was able to get her help and then invite everyone back in. When he explained what happened, the congregation was accepting.

1619: First African Slaves

In 161In 1619, America's first slaves from Africa arrived by 

ship in Jamestown, Virginia. A Dutch trader, who had recently stolen the slaves from a Spanish ship, exchanged them in Jamestown for food. It is possible that these first slaves were actually indentured servants, although the records from the time are not clear. The earliest record of a clearly identified slave is a court order from 1640, stating that the African must "serve his said master or his assigns for the time of his natural life here or elsewhere."9, America's first slaves from Africa arrived by ship in Jamestown, Virginia. A Dutch trader, who had recently stolen the slaves from a Spanish ship, exchanged them in Jamestown for food. It is possible that these first slaves were actually indentured servants, although the records from the time are not clear. The earliest record of a clearly identified slave is a court order from 1640, stating that the African must "serve his said master or his assigns for the time of his natural life here or elsewhere."

I Don’t Mind You Having Your Own Opinion, But I Do Mind That You Think Mine Is Wrong!

In every Church there are people who have different backgrounds, ideas and interests. And these different perspectives can be useful: two heads are better than one.  But different perspectives also lead to disagreement and even conflict. And, if dealt with in the right way, these in turn can lead to innovation.  Harmony is stifling.

Unfortunately people are often so very attached to the idea that they’re in the right that rather than sit round the table to exchange ideas, discuss and argue, they’ll find another way to impose their view. By using their power, or asking the pastor to decide, or – worse still – ignoring all counter arguments.

So if it’s innovation you’re after, study the art of conflict management and servant leadership learn how to take a constructive attitude to differences of opinion.

By seeking to avoid all conflict a Church loses the opportunity to find unique solutions, and to initiate and maintain its energy and grow.

So: conflict equals possibility.

Will today present you with possibilities?

There Will Never Be Enough Time To Do Everything That You Want To.

Slow living” has become a popular phrase in the last few years. It seems that there’s a new urge to resist the rat race and the culture of high-achievement in the work places of the western world.  A global movement has been born: the Slow Life movement.  It started with Carlo Petrini’s Slow Food movement, which seeks alternatives to fast food.  But less speed is also seen as having value in other areas of life.  Slow education and Slow sex are also being promoted.  A less out-of-breath existence you might say!

Slow Life is not about working slower or living lazily.  It simply means taking time for the things, which are of real importance.

Slow Life stands for taking sabbaticals for instance, time for friends and family, living with an awareness of the seasons, and taking time to dream and to allow for unexpected encounters.  Equally it means not getting your knickers in a twist if you have to stand in the queue, or if the train is late!

So, make haste, make haste to join the Slow Movement!

The Stand Up Stewardess.

On my return flight from Orlando to Kansas City last evening, one of the stewardesses spoke into the intercom.

She commented that she had read in a recent news magazine that passengers were becoming disillusioned with the airlines citing reasons from loss of luggage, flight delays, to flight cancellations.

Therefore, the stewardess wanted to do something that would eliminate passenger anxiety. She wanted to tell a joke but felt she wasn’t good enough, so she was going to ask three riddles.

They were:

(1) What do you call cheese that is not yours? The answer: Nacho Cheese
(2) What do you call a cow with no legs at all? The answer: Ground Beef
(3) How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? One Buccaneer

Needless to say, her riddles were not going to get her on the Jay Leno Show but there were chuckles throughout the cabin. I probably laughed the loudest.

Leadership lesson: A little humor can go a long way in easing the slightest bit of tension.